Long story short. Friend with history is body and mental issues (mainly depression). I moved to a different country, so we talked less. For the past two year things went very one sided. I would text her and get reply much later. Never able to meet when I was in town.
Then, nothing. No answers at all. Text or calls. Friends tell me similar story. I keep texting sporadically, sometimes calling. After months I get a response. She’s crying and saying shes sorry for not replying, that’s she’s not well in general and needs time. Problems with work, relationships, family and some tragedies all in short time.
That was months ago. Part of me thinks to give space, but another is worried because she’s avoiding our common friends too. The only way to reach to her or even know how she is would be through her family, which is very intrusive.
Any advice?
Edit: fixed “In moved to a different country” to “I moved to a different country” as somebody misunderstood due to the typo
A gentle reminder that you know about them and are available but putting no pressure on them would probably help them. Unsure if it will cause them to open up more, but if your goal is making sure they are ok, I don’t think reaching out would be a bad idea.
People in those situations need to know they aren’t forgotten by their friends as much as they need time and space to sort themselves out. It’s hard to say what’s appropriate. Trust your own judgment m
Send them a text and tell them you’re thinking about them. If they ask for help and you can help them then by all means help them.
This advice is from a self isolating man that needs help.
Send messages once a month or so letting her know you’re thinking about her. If she responds, great! If not, that’s okay, send 'em anyway.
I have a tendency to forget about anything that isn’t directly in front of my face. I love talking to and hanging out with my old friends from school, but I don’t often think to send a message just to say hi, and sometimes I realize that I haven’t talked to any of them in over a year or so.
It never hurts to send a “Hey! How’s it going?” message when you haven’t heard from someone in a while. I know that even though I’m really bad at sending them, I’m always happy to receive them!
Speaking as someone with recurrent severe depression, my closest friends are the ones who harass me with their love. That said, I would never want someone to try to reach me through my family. Her situation might be different.
Depression is very isolating, it can make you feel unworthy of being around people because you can’t be fun, and you get anxious about making “mistakes.”
My favorite people are the ones who randomly show up, drag me out, ask me for help with something (introvert cheat code,) and buy me games without asking so we can play together.
If she’s an adult, she’s capable of telling someone to back off if it’s too much.
From my n=1 data:
The self-isolation could come from not being able to be there for you as well and feeling unworthy of your friendship because of that.
Express your love, indicate there is expectation of quid pro quo, just say your heart and door are always open.
